2016 NFL Big Brother Week 3 Eviction

Posted By: Chris Ransom on 9/26/2016

Julie Chen: Welcome to NFL Big Brother. My Name is Julie Chen and I'll be hosting NFL Big Brother where 32 NFL Teams compete against each other for the right to be HOH in order to play for the Big Brother Bowl. We have 27 teams remaining. Tonight one more will get evicted leaving us with 26 teams. We'll listen to an episode of Mike & Mike in the Morning where they talk about NFL Big Brother. Take it away guys.

Mike Greenberg: Welcome back to Mike and Mike in the Morning. Today we're going to talk about what teams o n NFL Big Brother have a chance to make the Playoffs and possible compete for the NFL BIg Brother Bowl.

Mike Golic: Yeah Greenie, we're also gonna take a few callers from Spreaker as well as get Wolf Blitzer's debut on the Subway Fresh Take Hotline.

Mike Greenberg: Wolf Blitzer will talk about the Marshawn Lynch photos of Colin Kaepernick in ISIS at the top of the hour on the Subway Fresh Take Hotline, but first lets talk about the 5 3-0 teams and 4 winless teams including the 3 0-3 teams from Sunday plus the New Orleans Saints who play tonight against the Atlanta Falcons on Monday Night Football. Who should we start with first Golic?

Mike Golic: Let's start with the winless teams Greenie. The Cleveland Browns, Jacksonville Jaguars, and Chicago Bears are all 0-3 and all facing possible eviction from NFL Big Brother if they do not win out from this point. New Orleans is 0-2, but they can right the ship if they defeat the Atlanta Falcons tonight. You look at the teams that got evicted so far the Carolina Panthers, San Diego Chargers, Indianapolis Colts, Miami Dolphins, and the Green Bay Packers. The only team with a winning record of the 5 that got evicted is the Green Bay Packers.

Mike Greenberg: Who do these 0-3 teams play in week 4?

Mike Golic: Cleveland goes to Washington and they should lose. Jacksonville hosts the Colts in London who were already evicted from NFL Big Brother. The Chicago Bears host the Detroit Lions.

Mike Greenberg: I agree Golic. Cleveland should be evicted next week. That game against the Dolphins was their game to lose. Travis Coons would not have missed that kick. Cody Parkey really is a shitty backup. I think Jacksonville has a chance, but the Colts will be favored that week. Chicago deserves to lose if they cannot defeat the Detroit Lions at home in week 4. Chicago will be the HOH in week 7 if they can win out until week 7 and get a winning streak.

Mike Golic: Right now the Bears just need to worry about getting that first win. Chicago is one loss away from getting eliminated on NFL Big Brother. Let's go to the 5 3-0 NFL teams.

Mike Greenberg: Well 16 teams make the NFL Big Brother Playoffs. We get 8 AFC and 8 NFC teams in the NFL Big Brother playoffs. Last year we had 5 teams approach 7-0 with the Denver Broncos, New England Patriots, Cincinnati Bengals, Carolina Panthers, and the Green Bay Packers. This year we have the Denver Broncos, New England Patriots, Baltimore Ravens, Minnesota Vikings, and the Philadelphia Eagles. These 5 teams are 3-0 unlike last year when we had 5 teams approaching 7-0. All of these teams except the Ravens made the NFL Big Brother Playoffs last year with the Broncos, Patriots, and Vikings making the Final 4 on NFL Big Brother before Carolina defeated Denver on NFL Big Brother to win it all.

Mike Golic: Yes, it's a real interesting dynamic Greenie. Denver faces Tampa Bay, Atlanta, and San Diego the next three weeks. We don't know who the Patriots QB will be against the Bills, but they get Tom Brady back in week 5. Baltimore hosts the Oakland Raiders in week 4. Minnesota faces the Giants in week 4 on Monday Night Football. Philadelphia has a bye week meaning they cannot be nominated for eviction in week 4.

Mike Greenberg: Yeah, I'm interested to see what happens. Remember Golic, the last team to lose in the AFC locks up the top spot in the NFL Big Brother Playoffs and the same goes for the NFC. We will not know whether that team is the Vikings or the Eagles in the NFC until week 5. Denver, New England, and Baltimore are all still playing for that top seed in the AFC.

Mike Golic: Exactly, there are 13 AFC teams left and 14 NFC teams left. The top 8 in each conference get in the NFL Big Brother Playoffs, and we will start seeing teams fall out of the picture starting in week 4 next week. Let's take a few callers from Spreaker before bringing our Guest Wolf Blitzer on. OAJ from New York you are on.

OAJ: This is OAJ, the One Angry Jew. The New York Jets and New York Giants were awful. I'm surprised both teams lost. Odell Beckham Jr. was acting like such a baby after the game. The NFL is fixed and the Jewish bankers control the game.

Mike Greenberg: I was disappointed with my Jets too One Angry Jew. As a proud Jew, I'd like to say that the bankers don't control the game and that the sport is not fixed. This sport is filled with parody. Golic take this next caller.

Mike Golic: This call is from Peter in Iceland. Our first caller from Iceland this should be exciting.

Peter the NewsGuy: This is Peter, people call me the NewsGuy though. I'm so pissed that the Cowboys are 2-1 Also, how come Colin Kaepernick hasn't been deported from the NFL. F him.

Mike Golic: If it makes you feel better NewsGuy, there is a good chance Colin Kaepernick gets evicted tonight. We'll get to our final caller before Wolf Blitzer joins us from the Subway Freshtake Hotline. Debi in Texas you are on.

Debi: My question is about the Houston Texans and the Dallas Cowboys. Any chance the Cowboys win the NFC East this year or the Texans win the AFC South?

Mike Greenberg: Houston should win the AFC South. Golic, tell Debi how you think the Cowboys will do.

Mike Golic: The Cowboys are trailing the 3-0 Philadelphia Eagles and are losing the 2-1 tiebreaker to the New York Giants in the NFC East. I don't trust the Cowboys. The Dallas Cowboys are the herpes of the NFL.

Mike Greenberg: Wolf Blitzer is now on the Subway Freshtake Hotline. I'm gonna put him on. How is it going Wolf?

Wolf Blitzer: I'm doing well. Washington finally won a game.

Mike Golic: Did you see Marshawn Lynch on Conan?

Wolf Blitzer: Yeah, I wish Lynch handled the situation a little more internally. Still, Marshawn did the right thing by addressing this situation with Colin Kaepernick.

Mike Greenberg: Wolf, how do you feel about Colin Kaepernick when you heard he was in ISIS. Is there any way the 49ers don't get evicted.

Wolf Blitzer: We need more evidence presented against Kaepernick. At the same time, I don't see how the 49ers avoid getting evicted from NFL Big Brother this week. Thanks for having me on guys. I have to get ready for tonights debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.

Mike Greenberg: That was Wolf Blitzer. We'll see you guys next time on Mike and Mike in the Morning.

We returned to NFL Big Brother. Joe Flacco was handing out eviction notices to the 0-3 teams. Flacco was looking for the Cleveland Browns before running into Ben Roethlisberger.

Joe Flacco: Big Ben. That was a big loss to Philadelphia. Do you know where Cleveland is.

Ben Roethlisberger: The Cleveland Browns are at Subway. Robert Griffin III made me a Meatball Marinara Sub. It was really good.

The NFL Big Brother crew headed to Subway to watch Robert Griffin III make Subway sandwiches. It was his only way to make income while he was on injured reserve.

Robert Griffin III: Welcome to Subway. Josh McCown and I are serving the customers fresh subs. Josh Gordon is working on making new cookies.

Josh McCown kept singing the old Quizno's Sub song while making Subway Sandwiches. This led to a mysterious phone call from the former face of Subway.

Josh McCown: The Quizno's Subs. They are tasty they are crunchy. They got a pepper bar. The Quizno's Subs.

Jared Fogle: Robert, tell Josh McCown, I'm gonna have fun with his boys when I get out of prison. Can you do that for me buddy.

Robert Griffin III: What?

Josh McCown: I heard what Jared said. Have fun without me Robert. Protecting my boys comes first.

Josh McCown left Subway intimiated by Jared Fogle over the phone who called from Prison. Josh Gordon made a pot cookie for Harambe.

Harambe: This Pot Cookie is really good Peyton.

Peyton Manning: I agree Harambe. We should get Papa John to sell Pot Cookies.

Josh Gordon: I'm glad you enjoyed my pot cookies. I cannot play until week 5 just like Tom Brady.

Peyton Manning: We know, and Brady's gonna kick your ass assuming you avoid getting evicted from NFL Big Brother this week.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton met up with Roger Goodell at the Super Dome prior to Monday Night's game between the Falcons and Saints for a friendly debate. A debate between Trump and Clinton on NFL issues was about to take place.

Roger Goodell: Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton you both failed to bring Harambe down so now we will have a debate to see who gets my vote. First question, how are you going to make the game safer to reduce concussions.

Donald Trump: Well, I'd deport any players who got ejected for Unsportsmanlike conduct or any palyers that dished out concussions. You guys did a terrible job with the Cam Newton situation against Denver in week 1.

Hillary Clinton: Well obviously we need to put more money into healthcare, research, education, and figuring out how to reduce concussion rates. Donald Trump will not reduce concussions. He will give us more concussions.

Roger Goodell: Glad to hear it Hillary. I'm giving Hillary the first point in this best of 3. Next topic is how would you handle the Diversity that the NFL is building at a rapid rate.

Donald Trump: I would get rid of the NFL International series. I would build a wall around the stadium for the NFL games in Mexico. Instead, I'd go with NFL Black Friday. Two teams play on Friday after Thanksgiving until the last Friday before Christmas.

Hillary Clinton: I'd give the NFL more diversity. We get NFL in Russia, NFL in China. NFL Overseas. Even the Mongolians and the people of Iran get the NFL.

Donald Trump: No Hillary, we're not giving the people of Iran the NFL. Look at what Colin Kaepernick did by joining ISIS. I'm gonna make America Great again.

Roger Goodell: I agree with Trump on this issue. We're tied at 1-1. The final issue is how would you handle the NFL Lockout in 2021 if you got re-elected in 2020.

Before Trump or Hillary could answer this question, a power outage caused the debate to be cancelled. It was just like Super Bowl 47.

We will find out who Goodell votes for in week 5. Clinton and Trump are debating against on Sunday Night in week 5 when the Giants face the Packers. We returned to NFL BIg Brother to find out who the Patriots will nominate for eviction.

Liam Neeson: Jacoby Brissett got injured. Who will we start in week 4?

Bill Belichick: I guess we are starting Tom Cruise against the Bills. I've decided to replace the Seahawks with the Jets as the team that goes up against the 49ers for the right to be evicted.

Liam Neeson: Maybe we should start Edelman instead. He knows our system.

Bill Belichick: Are you kidding me. I want Edelman bailing Tom Cruise out.

Tom Cruise was so excited. He started jumping up and down on the Patriots couches. It was just like the time he was on Oprah. Unlike last time when he was safe, Cruise kept jumping on the couch until he tore his ACL.

Tom Cruise: Ouch, I tore my ACL. Who is gonna start for New England.

Bill Belichick: Thanks to your horseshit I am out of options. I have to sign Dane fucking Cook to start at quarterback for the Patriots in week 4 and Rob Gronkowski will get to give my daughter Amanda doggy style. Hell has officially frozen over.

A mysterious figure showed up to tell Belichick he was available for week 4. Belichick breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw Keeanu Reeves in his Shane Falco character from The Replacements.

Shane Falco: My schedule cleared up. I can start against Buffalo. Can you sign me to a 1-game contract for $30 grand.

Bill Belichick: Suck it Liam Niasson, Shane Falco is my starting quarterback. Falco will lead us to victory. #kisstherings

Liam Neeson: Fine I'm gonna go talk to Larry Fitzgerald about his Presidential cmpaign for 2020 since the Cardinals are the HOH in week 5 if we evict the 49ers. Glad you got Keeanu Reeves Coach Belichick.

Julie Chen called the NFL teams to eviction room. It was time for the Patriots to nominate a second team to replace Seattle before teams voted to evict this weeks team.

Julie Chen: House Guests its time for the eviction ceremony. Seattle you defeated San Fransico in the Power Of Veto game.

Pete Carroll: We choose to take Seattle off the block. Coach Belichick must nominte someone else.

Julie Chen: Bill Belichick will nominate someone else. The San Francisco 49ers and that team will be put up for eviction.

Bill Belichick: The second team we are nominating for eviction is the New York Jets. You can either vote to evict the San Francisco 49ers or the New York Jets.

Julie Chen: Alright House Guests. I'll go tally the votes. Once the decision is final the evicted team will have a few minutes to pack their belongings and leave.

By a total of 24 votes to 0. The San Francisco 49ers have been evicted from the game.

Colin Kaepernick: All these accusations of me being in ISIS are ignorant. If you feel voting out the 49ers benefits you good luck.

Colin Kaepernick's nephew showed up to escort him out of the game. It was none other than the most famous celebrity from Khazakhstan.

Borat: Hello Colin Kaepernick, it's so good to see you. It's your nephew from Khazakhstan. Hi, my name a Borat.

Colin Kaepernick: Looks like I'm heading to Khazakhstan. God damn it.

Next time on NFL Big Brother. Find out what Harambe does when the Cincinnati Bengals become HOH. Can Goodell or the Bengals stop Harambe? Who do the Bengals nominate?