2016 NFL Big Brother Week 5 Eviction

Posted By: Chris Ransom on 10/10/2016

Julie Chen: Welcome to NFL Big Brother. My Name is Julie Chen and I'll be hosting NFL Big Brother where 32 NFL Teams compete against each other for the right to be HOH in order to play for the Big Brother Bowl. We have 24 teams remaining and 3 will be evicted tonight with two teams falling to 1-4. New York do you have any final words before you are evicted.

Todd Bowles: The New York Jets were glad to be on the show. We were lucky we got to be HOH in week 2.

Julie Chen: The New York Jets were great sports about this. The other team to be evicted is the Chicago Bears. Where the hell is Jay Cutler?

Peyton Manning: Cutler started a forest fire with Smokey The Bear last year. This year he's up to no good again.

Julie Chen: Don't interrupt me Peyton. The Minnesota Vikings were the last team in the NFC to lose as well as the last team in the NFL to lose. This means the Vikings clinch the top seed in the NFC as well as an automatic win over the 8 seed in the NFC of the NFL Big Brother Playoffs once the Playoffs start. Making the top 8 in the NFC is no longer good enough because if you want to win in the opening round of the playoffs, you have to avoid playing the Vikings. Thanks to being the only NFL team to start 5-0, the Vikings will be one of the final 4 teams in the NFC and if they start 7-0, they will lock up a final 2 spot in the NFC.

We returned to NFL Big Brother. Tom Brady visited President Obama at the White House following his win over Cleveland.

Tom Brady: Obama, why did you summon me?

President Obama: I heard you are making Larry Fitzgerald a Presidential candidate in 2020. Larry is an awesome receiver, but knows nothing about politics.

Tom Brady: How did you find out?

President Obama: I gave Larry Fitzgerald an NFL Big Brother Hall Pass for telling me like when I gave Denver an NFL Big Brother Hall Pass after they beat Carolina at the White House. Now Arizona is in a great position.

Tom Brady: If Fitzgerald cannot run as a republican or democrat then he will run as a Libretarian in 2020. You know I'm voting for Gary Johnson.

President Obama: Just do the right thing and vote for Hillary Clinton okay.

Tom Brady: No, voting for Hillary is not the right thing to do. Even if I'm a libertarian, I'm a saint compared to Peyton Manning since he donated $25,000 to George W. Bush's Presidential campaign. Also Goodell's wife works for Fox News.

President Obama: Goodell is voting for Hillary. He's endorsing her hoping to bring NFL Martial Law to America. I'm so disappointed in Peyton though donating that much to Bush really breaks my heart. Bush got us into this mess we're in today with our economy.

Tom Brady: Whatever, even if Hillary becomes President Peyton and I will continue to fight the NFL Martial Law until the very end.

President Obama: You won't be able to fight it if your teams get evicted from the game.

Tom Brady: The Steelers and Texans are in our alliance too along with some other teams. It would take a miracle for someone in the AFC to not be from our alliance.

President Obama: Tom Brady. Get the fuck out of my White House.

Tom Brady: It won't be your White House in 2017 when I win my fifth Super Bowl. Whoever gets elected will have to deal with me flaking on the team trip to the White House.

Brady exited Obama's office. An NFL player back at the NFL Big Brother House turned into a Crying Jordan meme. The Manning's gave their input on the situation.

Doug Pederson: Guys some heartless bastard turned Carson Wentz into a Crying Jordan meme.

Eli Manning: Any idea who did this Peyton?

Peyton Manning: It was obviously Jay Cutler. Cutler hasn't left the game and like I said at the beginning of todays show. Cutler was going to pull some shenanigans despite being injured.

Jay Cutler: Of course, I did it. I created a Zika Virus that turns peoples faces into Crying Jordan memes. It would have taken a normal NFL players years to develop this rare Zika Virus, but I created it in weeks since I'm such an incredible quarterback.

Harambe: Jay Cutler you are an incredible rip off. I have a new body guard his name is Donkey Kong.

Donkey Kong: Let's pretend Cutler is King K. Rool and toss him out of the game.

Harambe: Who is King K. Rool?

Peyton Manning: He's the bad guy in the Donkey Kong Country games, but that doesn't matter Harambe. The bottom line is Donkey Kong is right. It's time to toss Cutler out of the game.

Harambe and Donkey Kong tossed Jay Cutler out of the game. Meanwhile Rex Ryan learned a shocking secret about his quarterback.

Rex Ryan: Holy Shit you're a cyborg.

Tyrod Taylor: No, I'm the terminator.

Rex Ryan: Sorry Tyrod, Arnold is the only terminator. We can use your super powers though to put a laser beam on Tom Brady when we beat the Patriots in week 8.

Tyrod Taylor: If you say so coach. The Dolphins and Jets are out of the game which means we are the only team that can keep the Patriots from winning the AFC East on NFL Big Brother.

Donald Trump arrived in Jacksonville following an intense debate. Before we answer why Donald Trump is in Jacksonville, let's find out why Jameis Winston is up to.

Jameis Winston: Cam Newton cannot dab. It sucks that he's injured, but Auburn is full of scabs. Look at my look at my crabs. We all know I got crab legs not the STD. Women at Florida State and Tampa love my crabs. Donald Trump stole my catchphrase. The one I blurted out at Florida State. The same utter words that got me suspended for a game. Look at my crabs.

Trump stepped into Shahid Khan's office. He was about to make a formal offer to purchase the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Shahid Khan: Donald Trump, I don't even know why I am wasting time with you.

Donald Trump: Shahid, I'd like to use my campaign money to buy the Jaguars.

Shahid Khan: I'm not sure why I should sell you the team. I paid $68-million dollars for the Jaguars and now they are worth $1.9 billion dollars. Plus I still owe the mafia in Italy money.

Donald Trump: How much to you owe the Mafia?

Shahid Khan: $58 million dollars.

Donald Trump: Ok, I'll give you $1 billion dollars for the Jacksonville Jaguars. That's a fair deal. You'll have more than enough money to pay off the mafia.

Shahid Khan: I don't know. You only have a net worth of $4.5 billion. My net worth is $6.9 billion and I still owe the mafia $58-million, but most of my money is tied into the team.

Donald Trump: Ok, I'll give you $1.5 billion dollars for the Jacksonville Jaguars. That's a steal.

Shahid Khan: Ok, the fact that you are willing to give me 1/3 of your net worth shows you are committed to making the Jaguars great again.

Donald Trump: Great, my sons will fly you out to Italy on the Jaguars team jet. I have to use the Trump Jet to take care of some business. I'll be back though. You're welcome to stay until my return.

We returned to the NFL Big Brother house. Doug Peterson spoke with Peyton Manning.

Doug Pederson: Thanks for saving Carson Wentz. What can we do to repay you.

Peyton Manning: Join our alliance on NFL Big Brother.

Doug Pederson: Ok, that sounds fair.

Peyton Manning: Cool. Welcome to our alliance.

Julie Chen called the NFL teams to eviction room. It was time for the Cardinals to nominate a second team to replace Buffalo before teams voted to evict this weeks team.

Julie Chen: House Guests its time for the eviction ceremony. Please report to the eviction room immediately.

Before Julie could announce who got evicted someone barged into the show and interrupted her. It was none other than the Jacksonville Jaguars new owner Donald Trump.

Donald Trump: Roger Goodell and Hillary Clinton are working hand in hand to form NFL Martial Law. I will stop this as the new owner of the Jaguars, I will become President of America, and I will make America great again by making my son the new commissioner of the NFL.

Tom Brady: Obama said the same stuff when he invited me to the White House after our win over the Browns. You should join our alliance with Peyton Manning and I working together to stop Goodell.

Donald Trump: Yeah, I think I'll take you up on that Brady.

Peyton Manning: Now our alliance has 9 members while Goodell's only has 2. Meaning 11 of the 22 teams left in NFL Big Brother are either working with us or working with Goodell to form NFL Martial Law.

Julie Chen continued. She went on about how Buffalo needed to take someone off the block.

Julie Chen: Before the rude sexist Donald Trump interrupted me, I was about to say its time for Buffalo to decide what they do with the nominee.

Rex Ryan: Buffalo is taking ourselves off the block. Arizona must nominate someone else.

Julie Chen: Larry Fitzgerald will nominate someone else. Larry you have the floor.

Larry Fitzgerald: We really don't want to nominate anyone else besides the Los Angeles Rams. That's the team we wanted out this week since Seattle was on their bye week. We'll nominate the Philadelphia Eagles though.

Julie Chen: Alright House Guests you can either vote to evict the Los Angeles Rams or the Philadelphia Eagles. I'll go tally the votes. Once the decision is final the evicted team will have a few minutes to pack their belongings and leave.

By a total of 19 votes to 0. The Los Angeles Rams have been evicted from the game. Any last words Robert Quinn.

Robert Quinn: I was inactive for the Rams game yesterday. I'm sorry to everyone in Los Angeles. It cost us a spot in the game and got us evicted on NFL Big Brother.

Julie Chen: Thanks Robert. We now have 21 teams left in the game. There are 10 AFC teams and 11 NFC teams left in the game. We'll see everyone next week in week 6.

Next time on NFL Big Brother. Will Tampa Bay avoid a 1-4 start? Will Tampa Bay get evicted if they lose to Carolina on Monday Night Football? Denver reclaims HOH with San Diego evicted in week 1 just as the Kansas City Chiefs are about to head to Oakland following a bye week. The timing could not be any more perfect. Harambe and Donkey Kong practice with Matthew Stafford and Eli Manning who both train from Peyton Manning while the Broncos are 4-1. Donald Trump tries to make the NFL great again and rebrands the Jacksonville Jaguars his way. Roger Goodell travels to Minnesota to meet with the 5-0 Minnesota Vikings during their bye week after being the last team to lose a regular season game. As many as 8 NFL teams of the 21 remaining could be fighting to get into the NFL Big Brother Playoffs in week 6 so will who Peyton Manning nominates in the Power Of Veto game even matter. Tune in during a wild week 6 to find out.