Posted By: Chris Ransom on 8/21/2016

Julie Chen: Welcome to NFL Big Brother. My Name is Julie Chen and I'll be hosting NFL Big Brother where 32 NFL Teams compete against each other for the right to be HOH in order to play for the Big Brother Bowl. Last year the Carolina Panthers defeated the Denver Broncos to win the NFL Big Brother Bowl. Denver however defeated Carolina in Super Bowl 50. This creates a huge conflict of interest as to who visits President Obama at the White House.

We will now go to the White House where President Obama has a surprise announcement regarding NFL Big Brother. Commissioner Roger Goodell joins him.

Roger Goodell: Before President Obama takes the stage to resolve this tiebreaker I would like to say that we have more NFL fans than ever. The Carolina Panthers won NFL Big Brother against Denver, but Denver defeated them in Super Bowl 50 which is why I came to President Obama about how to solve this problem.

Barack Obama: Thank you commissioner Goodell. There can be only one team that poses with me so the Carolina Panthers and Denver Broncos will have a rematch at the White House on NFL Big Brother. Winner gets to pose with me and wins HOH while the loser is the Week 1 Have not. Let's go back to Julie in the NFL Big Brother House to break the news to the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos.

Julie Chen: Thanks President Obama what an awesome plot twist. I will interview Cam Newton and Von Miller about playing at the White House before we take it to Jim Nantz and Phil Simms live from the White House.

Cam you are heading to Washington for a chance at redemption. What do you need to do differently after losing Super Bowl 50?

Cam Newton: Von Miller is lethal. We don't have to worry about Peyton Manning or Brock Osweiler so we got this.

Julie Chen: Von Miller, Cam Newton said he got this with you not having Peyton Manning or Brock Osweiler. Care to comment.

Von Miller: First off, Peyton showed up to the White House even though Brock didn't. Second, Cam needs me to refresh his memory from Super Bowl 50 which I will be happy to do.

Carolina and Denver left the NFL Big Brother house to board the plane for a Super Bowl 50 rematch at the White House. Leave it to President Obama to use our taxpayer dollars to build a football field at the White House.

Peyton Manning: Even though I retired I'm technically a member of the Super Bowl 50 Broncos which means I get to play in this game.

Roger Goodell: Peyton, you retired a Colt so you will not play in the Super Bowl 50 rematch at the White House.

Peyton Manning: For starters I deserve to pose with Obama since I won Super Bowl 50. Second, I am willing to give up both of my Super Bowl rings and leave NFL Big Brother immediately if Denver loses. If I win the Broncos are HOH and I get to come back to help Denver during the game. I guess you and Obama are too chicken shit to accept my challenge. That doesn't surprise me since it speaks volumes about both of you having an inability to lead.

Barack Obama: Let Peyton play. Cam Newton and I will be happy to take his Championship rings.

Roger Goodell: Fine Peyton can play. Let's go to Jim Nantz and Phil Simms for commentary of this Super Bowl rematch at the White House.

Jim Nantz: Hello Friends welcome to the White House for a rematch of Super Bowl 50 between the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos. There are huge stakes today as the winner of this game will be the new HOH on Season 2 of NFL Big Brother in 2016.

Phil Simms: There's a lot on the line today Jim. Not only will the winner of this Super Bowl 50 rematch be the new HOH on NFL Big Brother, the winning team will also pose with President Obama. If Carolina wants to make up for their inability to perform in Super Bowl 50 Cam Newton has to step up today. Denver is gonna need strong quarterback play if they want to win.

Jim Nantz: Minutes ago it was ruled that Peyton would play. That gives Denver a fighting chance in the rematch against the Carolina Panthers.

Phil Simms: I'm not sure how I feel about Peyton playing, but Brandon McManus is set to kick it off.

Jim Nantz: Brandon McManus set to kick it off. He kicks it to Ted Ginn Jr. who downs it for a touchback.

Cam Newton and the Panthers offense took the field. Newton huddled the team up to call a play.

Jim Nantz: First play of the game, Cam Newton fumbles the snap and it is recovered by the Big Bad Wolfe known as Derek Wolfe.

Phil Simms: What a fumble recovery by Derek Wolfe as Denver is now at the Carolina 25-yard line to start the game. This feels like Super Bowl 48 except with my awesome commentary replacing Joe Buck's lousy commentary being the only difference Jim.

Jim Nantz: This definitely feels like Super Bowl 48 without our commentary. The one thing I will say is that Cam didn't fumble a safety like Peyton Manning.

Peyton Manning: Shut the hell up Jim Nantz. It's time for us to make Derek Wolfe look like Chuck Liddell by helping our defense by scoring a touchdown.

Peyton attempted to score on Denver's first try. Denver was stopped by Luke Kuechly on first down. Then Luke Kuechly dropped an interception on second down. On third down, Demaryius Thomas dropped a touchdown catch and that forced Denver to settle for a field goal.

Luke Kuechly: Looks like you have to settle for a field goal Peyton.

Peyton Manning: Can it Kuechly. Just be glad I was polite enough not to tell you to shut the hell up like I did with Jim Nantz.

Peyton took the snap. McManus kicked a field goal. The field goal was good. Denver led 3-0 in the first quarter. Both teams headed into the second quarter 0/5 on third down conversions with Denver ahead 3-0 as the Broncos led by a field goal after one quarter.

Cam Newton: Alright guys lets go with Flanker 80 Jet Dig.

Newton clapped his hand as the Panthers took the field. Denver's defense was anticipating a pass to begin the second quarter.

Jim Nantz: First play of the second quarter. Cam Newton hoping to finally get a third down conversion on 3rd and 6. Carolina had a great return getting the ball to the Denver 44 yard line on the kickoff return. Carolina is at the Broncos 40 yard line and if they can get 5 yards they will be in field goal range to tie it.

Phil Simms: That's true Jim. The goal is to get a touchdown and I'm sure that's what Cam Newton has in mind after that 4 yard catch by Greg Olsen to end the first quarter. Newton was 1/11 with 4 passing yards in the first quarter after ten straight incompletions.

Jim Nantz: Cam Newton looking for Kelvin Benjamin. It's picked by Aqib Talib. Benjamin tackles him.

Phil Simms: What a great pick by Aqib Talib. Talib does a spectacular job in man coverage really pressing Kelvin Benjamin in coverage. Now Denver takes over at the Carolina 30-yard line. That was a huge turnover Jim.

Aqib Talib: Did you see that pick Peyton? I bailed you out again.

Peyton Manning: Great job Talib. Now its our turn to score boys.

Peyton lined up in the huddle. This time he knew he could not screw up.

Jim Nantz: Denver hoping to respond on this drive. Peyton Manning delivers a beautiful strike to Demaryius Thomas. Touchdown Broncos.

Phil Simms: What a throw by Manning. Carolina needs to figure out a way to get out of this funk they are in otherwise it will be a long day for the Carolina Panthers.

Demaryius Thomas: What a magical throw Peyton. We need to make more beautiful plays like that.

Peyton Manning: Absolutely Demaryius. I cannot believe we lead 10-0 to start the second quarter. This looks like Super Bowl 50 all over again.

Both teams continued to dominate on defense. Greg Olsen finally got Carolina a third down conversion after 9 unsuccessful attempts, but time ran out in the first half before Carolina could kick a field goal.

Jim Nantz: Denver gets the ball to start the second half with Denver ahead of Carolina 10-0 at the White House.

Phil Simms: Carolina really needs to make some adjustments in the second half. I've seen no effort or progress from the Panthers in the first half. The Panthers half to show some progress in this third quarter.

Graham Gano kicked it into the end zone. It would result in a touchback before C.J. Anderson had a 30 yard run that put Denver at midfield.

Peyton Manning: OMAHA.

Peyton declaring Omaha allowed Denver's receivers to run faster while slowing down the secondary. Emmanuel Sanders got open and caught a 50-yard touchdown.

Emmanuel Sanders: Wow what a throw. Peyton can still throw touchdowns even if he's a 40-year old virgin.

Peyton Manning: Call me a 40-year-old virgin again and I will smack you. I'm too happy about being ahead 17-0 to be upset at your comments.

Denver held Carolina's defense scoreless in the third quarter. Peyton's offense did squat after he threatened Sanders, but the Broncos still avoided turnovers for three quarters and ended the third quarter punting the ball to Carolina with a 17-0 lead with one quarter to go.

Jim Nantz: Cam Newton needs to get three scores and three scores quick.

Phil Simms: He sure does Jim. Carolina trails 17-0 with one quarter to go.

Jim Nantz: Cam Newton looking for an open target on first down. He's sacked by DeMarcus Ware.

DeMarcus Ware: Yo Von. Looks like I'm the first player to sack a quarterback in the White House.

Miller ignored Ware as second down occurred. Von Miller was focused on one thing bringing down Cam Newton.

Jim Nantz: Cam Newton looking for an open target on second down. He's sacked by Von Miller. Another sack. That's back-to-back sacks to set up third down.

Von Miller: I sacked Cam Newton at the White House too DeMarcus. We got one more down defense unless the Panthers go for it.

Jim Nantz: Cam Newton looking for an open target on third down. He sees Devin Funchess wide open. Newton to Funchess. It's intercepted by Chris Harris. Harris takes it 50 yards to the end zone for a touchdown. Denver now leads 24-0 Phil.

Phil Simms: Watch Chris Harris on this play Jim. Harris does an awesome job lining up in zone coverage for the interception. That was a terrific play by Harris to snag the ball from Funchess and return it for a touchdown. Denver leads 24-0 and this game looks like its over with 8:48 left in the game.

Denver's defense remained stingy. The Broncos delivered a 24-0 shutout over the Carolina Panthers at the White House.

Cam Newton: This is bullshit. We should be posing with Obama. We won season 1 of NFL Big Brother.

Barack Obama: You were awful today Cam. Just be glad we didn't evict you and your lousy sportsmanship from NFL Big Brother yet. You guys are playing in Denver in week 1. If you win that game you will be have nots on NFL Big Brother and if you lose the Carolina Panthers will be the first team evicted from NFL Big Brother. Do you understand Cam? We can go over this again. You need to focus on week 1 Cameron.

Cam Newton: I cannot believe Obama called me Cameron. The only person that calls me Cameron is my father and that's when he found out I had the briefcase with money in it at Auburn. I cannot wait until Obama is out of office.

Meanwhile Peyton Manning confronted Roger Goodell. Manning told Goodell he was returning to NFL Big Brother.

Peyton Manning: Suck it Goodell. I won the bet which means I get to return to NFL Big Brother.

Roger Goodell: Fine Peyton. You can help the Broncos on NFL Big Brother as long as you don't suit up to play football on Sundays. Also I'm going declare NFL Sharia Law and there's not a god damn thing you can do about it now that you retired.

Peyton Manning: Oh I'll be sure to stop you and your evil plan to impose NFL martial law. Now if you excuse me I must go pose with President Obama. OMAHA!

Roger Goodell: Have fun with Barry Soetoro Peyton. You know Barack Obama isn't his real name. Also if the Broncos lose to the Panthers in week 1, the Broncos will be the week 2 have nots.

Peyton fled to meet up with the Denver Broncos. The entire Broncos team posed with President Obama just like in real life after the Broncos won Super Bowl 50.

The entire Broncos team was with Obama. Elway, Kubiak, Manning, and the entire team except for backup Brock Osweiler. We would now return to NFL Big Brother to hear Julie Chen and a few NFL teams discuss their 2016 Strategies.

Julie Chen: Welcome back to NFL Big Brother. The Denver Broncos were just named the HOH for Week 1 and if the Carolina Panthers do not win the opener against Denver on September 8th, last years NFL Big Brother Champions will be the first team evicted from NFL Big Brother in 2016.

Rob Kraft: Who stole my meatball sub from Arby's? Nobody takes Krafty's brand new meatball sub from Arby's.

Jimmy Garoppolo: Thanks for the sub of confidence Krafty. That was a great sub. Not as good of a sub as me though lol.

Rob Kraft: That sub was for me. When are we getting Brady back?

Bill Belichick: Unfortunately we do not get Brady back until week 5. Unlike last year, he's not allowed to talk with anyone in the NFL Big Brother house until week 5 and that's assuming we don't get evicted.

Jimmy Garoppolo: Don't worry coach I got this. I can start for Brady until week 5.

Bill Belichick: Let's hope so. Otherwise we're screwed.

Rob Gronkowski: Coach I got a plan. I got every copy of Madden 17 in the world for Xbox One, PS4, Xbox 360, and PS3. I'm gonna spike every copy of Madden like I do when I score a touchdown unless Goodell calls off Brady's suspension.

Bill Belichick: The only people that give a fuck about Madden are EA Sports and hardcore video gamers. I got a better idea. Our new commissioner is going to go from Hollywood to NFL Headquarters as we transform his image. Send in Liam Neeson.

Liam Neeson entered. Then he proceeded to dial Roger Goodell's phone number where he did his infamous scene from Taken.

Liam Neeson: I don't know who you are, but if you call off Tom Brady's suspension that will be the end of it. If you don't, I will find you and I will take over the NFL and declare myself commissioner of the National Football League.

Roger Goodell: Are you threatening me? Who is this? I'm guessing this is Ben Affleck.

Liam Neeson: Yes, this is Ben Affleck.

Liam Neeson hung up the phone. Goodell also hung up the phone.

Peyton Manning: Did Liam Neeson just prank call Roger Goodell? What the heck is going on. I'm the new HOH.

Bill Belichick: Peyton you may as well strike us while the chips are down. We play the Cardinals in week 1. That prank call was glorious. Roger Goodell thought Liam Neeson was New England Patriots fan Ben Affleck. That was priceless.

Peyton Manning: No, Roger Goodell is gonna implement NFL martial law. The only way we can beat Goodell is if we put our egos aside and work as a team. With all the members from The Super Manning Brothers and The Brady Bunch working together and joining forces we can beat Goodell if we put our egos aside to form a merger. After that we will resume our epic rivalry, but right now the goal will be to make sure the only teams that proceed in this game are teams that want Roger Goodell removed from the NFL as the leagues commissioner.

Bill Belichick: That's great to hear. Let's make Liam Neeson commissioner. Welcome to the family Peyton.

Liam Neeson: Maybe I can do something about Goodell Bill. Peyton what has your brother been up to?

Peyton Manning: Eli is currently giving Giants kicker Josh Brown the intervention of a lifetime.

Liam Neeson: Sounds brutal. I'll catch you guys later.

Meanwhile Eli Manning gave Josh Brown an intervention of a lifetime. Josh Brown already faced a one game suspension for beating his pregnant wife 20 times, but Eli had a much more severe punishment for Josh Brown.

Since Josh Brown beat his pregnant wife 20 times Eli thought yelling no more 20 times to Josh Brown like he did in his no more commercials was a fair punishment.

Eli Manning: No more seeing Mrs. Brown. No more touching Mrs. Brown. No more calling her Mrs. Brown since she's technically Miss Brown. No more touching any women until you get your personal shit together. No more partying past curfew. No more Mr. Nice Guy. No More.

Josh Brown: You only said no more 7 times. Weren't you going to say it 20 times.

Eli Manning: I don't have the energy to say it 20 times. I said no more at least 13 times in the no more commercials plus 7 times to your face to that counts as 20 times. This meetings over. If I catch you beating another woman, Peyton and I are gonna cut your fucking arms off while Archie neuters you and sells your balls to Aaron Hernandez. Got it!

Josh Brown: Yeah I got it. I understand Eli.

Eli Manning: Good. Now get the fuck out of here. This meeting is over.




Meanwhile we return to the game where Le'Veon Bell made a phone call to Roger Goodell.

Le'Veon Bell: Yo, Roger Goodell. Is there any chance I can get my suspension reduced to three games. James Harrison won't talk with you unless you agree to my terms.

Roger Goodell: Meet me at my office in New York. Bring Mr. Harrison. We'll talk.

Goodell echoed those words as he hung up the phone. We now return to NFL Big Brother as Jimmy Garoppolo meets up with Larry Fitzgerald about his possible 2020 Presidential campaign.

Jimmy Garoppolo: Tom Brady is your campaign manager. He is suspended until week 5 and nobody in the House can talk to him so he made me interim campaign manager until he gets back. I can be a really useful Vice President now that Dennis Green is gone.

Larry Fitzgerald: Tell you what kid. You, Jimmy Garoppolo throw the week 1 game in Arizona and you can be my Vice President.

Jimmy Garoppolo: Let me think about it. I'll get back to you.

We now return to NFL Big Brother as Peyton Manning put two teams up for eviction. Let's go to Julie Chen.

Julie Chen: House Guests. We know that if Carolina loses to Denver in week 1, that the Panthers will go home. Peyton must still pick two teams for eviction in the Power Of Veto Game. The loser of that game will be evicted and Peyton will then place another team up for eviction in week 1.

Peyton Manning: Quick Question Julie. How many teams are getting evicted after week 1.

Julie Chen: Peyton, right now two teams are expected to get evicted. If Carolina loses to Denver in Week 1, three teams will get evicted.

Peyton Manning: Alright Julie, we need to be prepared for Roger Goodell to impose league sanctions. It is evident that Goodell is trying to take our freedom away as players. We don't know what Goodell is doing yet, but I need to get back to the NFL Big Brother Playoffs and find out in order to stop his plan so I have to nominate the San Diego Chargers and the Kansas City Chiefs for eviction. We play the Chargers in the Week 6 HOH game and the Chiefs are our biggest threat in the AFC West.

Everyone was stunned by Peyton's announcement. The Chargers and Chiefs were in the Super Manning Brothers last year. Those teams were not interested in joining my alliance this season thinking the Broncos are weaker now that I'm not the Broncos quarterback on the field so the AFC West team that loses that game will be evicted.

Julie Chen: Alright Peyton. Denver nominated two AFC West foes that were in an alliance with Denver last season. Peyton doesn't know what Goodell has planned so he's just gonna take out his division foes hoping it will be enough to get him to the NFL Big Brother Playoffs.

Next time on NFL Big Brother. Will Carolina be the first team evicted or the week 1 have nots after winning season 1 of NFL Big Brother in 2015? Which NFL player keeps Le'Veon Bell waiting 3 hours to meet with Roger Goodell? How did Le'Veon Bell get his suspension reduced from 4 games to 3 games? Which NFL Division will see their players go to Hogwarts with Roger Goodell? Which celebrity takes over Roger Goodell's NFL office and which celebrity gets framed for trying to take over the NFL? Which celebrity will give Ryan Tannehill a pep talk? Which AFC West foe gets evicted from NFL Big Brother? Will Jimmy Garoppolo throw the week 1 game against the Arizona Cardinals to become Larry Fitzgerald's Vice President in 2020? We will answer all of these questions and possibly more after week 1 of the 2016 NFL Season on NFL Big Brother.