2016 NFL Big Brother Week 3 HOH

Posted By: Chris Ransom on 9/16/2016

Julie Chen: Welcome to NFL Big Brother. My Name is Julie Chen and I'll be hosting NFL Big Brother where 32 NFL Teams compete against each other for the right to be HOH in order to play for the Big Brother Bowl. So far five teams have been eliminated. With the Carolina Panthers, San Diego Chargers, Indianapolis Colts, Miami Dolphins, and Green Bay Packers evicted from the game we are now down to 27 teams.

With 3 2-0 teams in the AFC and 3 2-0 teams in the NFC, along with the 3-0 New England Patriots we are close to finding out if any teams can make the NFL Big Brother Playoffs. The last team to lose in the AFC and the NFC will make the NFL Big Brother Playoffs and the last team to lose a game will make the final 8. We also have 8 0-2 teams with teams falling to 0-3 being in danger of getting evicted with a loss in week 4.

We will now go to Roger Goodell's office. Goodell received a phone call from Peyton Manning on Skype.

Roger Goodell: Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Now I have to resort to a Raiders VS Cowboys Super Bowl with the Colts and Packers out of the game.

Peyton Manning: That won't happen. I think Jerry Jones has a better chance of dying and arm wrestling Al Davis in hell then a Raiders VS Cowboys Super Bowl.

Roger Goodell: This isn't over Peyton.

Peyton Manning: It looks like its over for you Goodell. That Harambe gorillia is awesome.

Roger Goodell: I have to figure out what to do with that little shit head. I guess you are off the hook until I figure out what to do with Harambe. That fucking bastard threw barrels at me like Donkey Kong last week.

Peyton Manning: It was great talking with you Goodell, but we have to get ready for a meeting.

Roger Goodell and Peyton Manning ended their Skype Session. Peyton Manning got ready for the meeting with the members in his alliance.

The meeting with Peyton Manning's alliance was underway. The new Head Of Household, New England Patriots meeting with the Houston Texans, Denver Broncos, Pittsburgh Steelers, New York Giants, Cincinnati Bengals, and Detroit Lions.

Rob Kraft: We're 3-0 now. Where is Jacoby Brissett? I want to give him a big ole bear hug.

Bill Belichick: Jacoby Brissett is in his forbidden lovemaking chamber. He has one of those like Radon Randle on Blue Mountain State.

Rob Gronkowski: I want one of those too.

Bill Belichick: You deserve to be a virgin for the rest of your life after how you played last night, but I'm contempt in our shutout over the Texans. Send the other teams in Gronkowski.

Gronkowski opened the door for the other teams. Peyton Manning, J.J. Watt, Ben Roethlisberger, Eli Manning, Matthew Stafford, and Harambe stepped in to Belichick's office.

Peyton Manning: Which teams are still in Roger Goodell's alliance?

J.J. Watt: The only AFC teams left in Roger Goodell's alliance are the Baltimore Ravens, the Oakland Raiders, and the New York Jets. The only NFC team left is the Dallas Cowboys.

Eli Manning: I say we nominate Chicago and Dallas for eviction. Once the Cowboys are out of the game, Goodell will be out of plays in the NFC.

Matthew Stafford: I agree. We already got the Packers out. We can get rid of Goodell's last option or another NFC North team.

Ben Roethlisberger: No, you are wrong on this Eli. The Cowboys are known for historically choking. Let's get rid of the AFC teams and wait for Dallas to lose a third game.

Harambe: Ben, is Mike Tomlin my father?

Ben Roethlisberger: Yes, Harambe. Mike Tomlin is your father.

Bill Belichick: No Harambe, I'm everyone's father. I want to get rid of the Jets they play the Chiefs this weekend in Kansas City.

Harambe: Peyton, promised the Jets we wouldn't get rid of them. Also we can nominate the Ravens VS Jaguars or Raiders VS Titans in the Power Of Veto game. I believe the Ravens host the Raiders in week 4 so we can nominate both teams next week when the Bengals become HOH.

Peyton Manning: I agree with Harambe. I'm sure J.J. Watt and Ben Roethlisberger agree with Harambe too.

J.J. Watt: Yep.

Ben Roethlisberger: I agree. That's a majority so we will nominate either Raiders VS Titans or Ravens VS Jaguars.

Bill Belichick: Ok, but can I put the Jets up as the replacement nominee for the winner of the Raiders VS Titans game.

Eli Manning: I think that's a fair compromise.

Peyton Manning: No, we cannot nominate the Jets yet.

Bill Belichick: Tough shit Peyton. I agree with Eli.

The meeting was about to end, but a mysterious figure barged in to interrupt the meeting. He made ridiculous accusations that pissed off the other 7 teams.

Colin Kaepernick: Marshawn Lynch is in ISIS. He is on a camel and he gave terrorists skittles grenades. That's right. The terrorists in the middle east put grenades inside their Skittles.

Peyton Manning: Kaepernick, you got some nerve to make those acusations about Marshawn Lynch. I know Lynch rode camels in Africa, but he's not a member of ISIS. That's so ignorant I don't even have a response.

Bill Belichick: I may have to nominate San Francisco and Seattle for eviction. Just to be safe.

Colin Kaepernick: I may have to tell Roger Goodell about Liam Niasson pooping on his desk. Niasson donated money to my charity.

Bill Belichick: God damn it. God fucking damn it. Get out. I need time to think.

All the teams left Bill Belichick's office. Peyton Manning was pissed.

Peyton Manning: Way to ruin the Patriots meeting Colin Kaepernick. You got some nerve you fucking asshole.

We went back to Roger Goodell's office. He was pretty pissed at Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Roger Goodell: Are you kidding me Fitzpatrick? The Packers were supposed to stay in the game. Give me one good reason why you should stay in my alliance.

Ryan Fitzpatrick: Coach Bowles made the final decision. Peyton promised us safety in week 3. I just hope the Patriots don't nominate us. It's crucial we win this week. I know how the Patriots are cheating again, but I'm not going to say anything if you kick me out.

Roger Goodell: Fine you can stay, as long as you don't evict the Bengals, Ravens, Raiders, or Cowboys. Also you need to tell me how the Patriots are cheating again.

Ryan Fitzpatrick: Coach Bowles believes that the Patriots are videotaping their opponents plays and uploading them to the cloud. I think Coach Bowles is gonna try to claim the evidence. He thinks you will destroy it again.

Roger Goodell: I will destroy the evidence again. I need to destroy the Cloud though. That's the only way I can get rid of the evidence that the Patriots are cheating.

Goodell had one more meeting. We'd go back to NFL Big Brother where Pete Carroll met up with Bill Belichick.

Pete Carroll: You wanted to see me Bill.

Bill Belichick: Colin Kaepernick said Marshawn Lynch is in ISIS.

Pete Carroll: That's a bunch of crap. We have proof that Colin Kaepernick is in ISIS. Marshawn Lynch is gonna leak the photos tonight when he goes on Conan O'Brien.

Bill Belichick: Excellent. I may have to nominate San Francisco for eviction.

Pete Carroll: Just don't nominate us okay.

Pete Carroll left his old office that Belichick took. Roger Goodell met with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton about Harambe. We'd go back to Goodell's office for the final time today.

Roger Goodell: Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton do you know why you are here?

Donald Trump: Tell us why we're here. We need to make this quick since I need to make America great again.

Roger Goodell: Whoever hunts down Harambe will get my vote. The Bengals brought Harambe back to life.

Donald Trump: This will be a piece of cake. My sons poached a cheetah in Africa. I'll destroy Harambe and make America Great again.

Hillary Clinton: I don't really believe this is ethical. Roger Goodell has to vote for me though so I'll pretend I'm Dick Cheney and go quail hunting for Harambe.

Roger Goodell: Glad to hear it Hillary. I'm going to grab some rifles and hunting equipment from my study.

Goodell, Trump, and Clinton all went to track Harambe. They spoted Harambe on the streets outside Goodell's office as Harambe returned to claim his Time Magazine with Goodell on it.

Donald Trump: Ouch. My foot hurts.

Hillary Clinton: Do you really want to elect someone that shot themselves in the foot like Plaxico Burress when hunting for Harambe? I'm the right candidate to vote for.

Harambe: I should carry you to the top of Goodell's office where the roof is like King Kong Hillary. Instead, I'll throw this at you.

Harambe chucked a barrel at Hillary Clinton. Hillary fell flat on her ass as Harambe fled.

Roger Goodell: Shit my rifle is out of bullets. I cannot believe you useless fuckers couldn't carry out my wishes with Harambe. We'll have to have a debate to see who gets my vote. I could vote for Gary Johnson. He's more competent than either of you, but he has no chance since he's a third party candidate.

We went back to NFL Big Brother. The teams were watching Marshawn Lynch on Conan O'Brien.

Pete Carroll: Marshawn looks ridculous with that hat on.

Bill Belichick: Not as ridiculous as Conan. Conan looks like a leprechaun that got raped by the Catholic Church at Notre Dame.

Carroll and Belichick remained quiet. Marshawn Lynch was about to break some news as Conan asked him about Kaepernick acusing him of being in ISIS.

Conan O'Brien: Marshawn Lynch. I know you said you supported Kaepernick's decision to protest during the National Anthem, but he said you were in ISIS. How do you respond to that?

Marshawn Lynch: You know, anyone who says that about me is ignorant Conan. I got two photos proving that Colin Kaepernick is in ISIS.

Conan O'Brien: Wow Marshawn Lynch, just wow. I'm disappointed and speechless. We'll go to a commercial. Ladies and gentlemen give it up for Marshawn Lynch.

We now return to NFL Big Brother as Bill Belichick put two teams up for eviction. Let's go to Julie Chen.

Julie Chen: House Guests. The New England Patriots will now nominate two teams for eviction.

Bill Belichick: We are nominating the San Francisco 49ers and the Seattle Seahawks for eviction in the Power Of Veto game. We all need to get rid of the 49ers after hearing about what Marshawn Lynch said on Conan O'Brien.

Julie Chen: Ok the 49ers and Seahawks will be up for eviction. Only one of these teams will be able to take themselves off the block. Also next week teams can vote for the losing team or the team that gets replaced by the winning team as the team to evict in week 3.

Everyone wasn't surprised by this. Some teams were demanding that Goodell disqualify the 49ers from the game.

Next time on NFL Big Brother. Will San Francisco or Seattle get evicted? Which team will get nominated to replace the 49ers or Seahawks and will that team get evicted? Wolf Blitzer joins Mike & Mike in the Morning to talk about the Kaepernick photos on Conan O'Brien. Robert Griffin III teaches Josh McCown and Josh Gordon how to make Subway sandwiches, and Roger Goodell monitors a Presidential Debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. All of this and possibly more next time on NFL Big Brother.