2016 NFL Big Brother Week 5 HOH

Posted By: Chris Ransom on 10/6/2016

Julie Chen: Welcome to NFL Big Brother. My Name is Julie Chen and I'll be hosting NFL Big Brother where 32 NFL Teams compete against each other for the right to be HOH in order to play for the Big Brother Bowl. So far eight teams have been eliminated. We are down to 11 AFC and 13 NFC teams. This week the Arizona Cardinals are the new HOH. Also the Tennessee Titans, New York Jets, Detroit Lions, and Chicago Bears are playing to remain in NFL Big Brother at 1-3. The Jacksonville Jaguars and New Orleans Saints have bye weeks in week 5 so they do not have to worry about being evicted this week.

We will now go to the Cardinals room on NFL Big Brother. Bruce Arians needs to come up with a good game plan with the Cardinals at 1-3.

Bruce Arians: We're 1-3, Carson Palmer isn't playing tonight, and all of you guys are making fun of my French hat. Shame on you. Patrick Peterson, and Tyrann Mathieu what uniforms are we wearing.

Tyrann Mathieu: Aren't we wearing our NFL Color Rush uniforms coach.

Patrick Peterson: No, both the Cardinals and 49ers wearing black uniforms complicates things. Arizona does not look good in black. We must refuse to wear our color rush jerseys and win on the road with white jerseys like road warriors.

Roger Goodell: You must wear your NFL Color Rush uniforms against the 49ers. It's the law.

Roger Goodell left the Arizona Cardinals HOH room to head out to Green Bay where Trump and Hillary would address how they would deal with a potential NFL lockout in 2021. Meanwhile Peyton Manning called a meeting with his brother to discuss the possible NFL Big Brother Playoff teams.

Peyton Manning: Denver is in the NFL Big Brother Playoffs as the only 4-0 AFC team. The New England Patriots, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Houston Texans are 3-1 and will probably fight for the 2-4 spots. Oakland is 3-1 also meaning they get the 5 seed. We also have the Cincinnati Bengals, Kansas City Chiefs, and Buffalo Bills at 2-2. Jacksonville is 1-3 and on a bye week. The Tennessee Titans face Miami at 1-3 and need to win that game to avoid being evicted. The New York Jets one of the teams in an alliance with Goodell is 1-3 and they face the Pittsburgh Steelers at Heinz Field so they are definitely this weeks casualty in the AFC Eli.

Eli Manning: Good stuff Peyton. In the NFC, the Minnesota Vikings are 4-0 with the Packers eliminated, and the Bears plus Lions at 1-3 playing this week, the Vikings have a chance to clinch the NFC North on NFL Big Brother even if they lose to the Texans, which they won't since that defense rattled me.

Peyton Manning: You cannot let the fucking Vikings rattle you. Please continue Eli.

Eli Manning: As I was saying, the Vikings have the top spot at 4-0. Philadelphia is 3-0 and currently holds the 2 seed. Atlanta has the 3 seed at 3-1 with a 2 game lead in the NFC South. The Los Angeles Rams are 3-1 and they have the 4 seed as the leaders of the NFC West. Arizona may nominate Buffalo and the Los Angeles Rams. Seattle is the projected 5 seed at 3-1. Right now the Dallas Cowboys are the projected 6 seed at 3-1. Washington occupies the 7 seed at 2-2 with the Giants occupying the 8 seed at 2-2 thanks to Aaron Rodgers getting evicted in week 2 after the Packers lost to the Lions. The Arizona Cardinals, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, New Orleans Saints, Chicago Bears, and Detroit Lions are the remaining 1-3 teams. Even if Arizona loses tonight, they are HOH this week. Tampa Bay plays on Monday Night Football and has a bye week in week 6. New Orleans has a bye week this week. Chicago and Detroit are the only teams that can be evicted.

Peyton Manning: Great stuff Eli, it will be interesting to see if the Cardinals can evict a good team to shake things up. Denver is HOH this week, but in week 7 the Packers and Bears face each other on Thursday Night Football and both teams could be evicted by then if the Bears lose again.

Eli Manning: If the Minnesota Vikings lock up the NFC North by then, then Minnesota would be the HOH in week 7. Tennessee faces Jacksonville in week 8, so if both of those teams are evicted in three weeks, then the Houston Texans, the same team in our alliance will be HOH. Atlanta faces Tampa Bay in week 9.

Peyton Manning: Let's not look ahead Eli. We need to train Matthew Stafford one of the quarterbacks in our alliance for the Detroit Lions.

Bill Belichick was about to sue LeBron James on Judge Judy. Before that took place a friendly exchange between Carson Wentz of the Philadelphia Eagles and Dak Prescott of the Dallas Cowboys.

Dak Prescott: North Dakota State's win over Iowa was impressive. You guys could never beat an SEC team though.

Carson Wentz: North Dakota State can ball with anyone. I have to get ready for Detroit.

Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski spotted the rookies. They were on their way to watch Judge Judy before Gronk asked why the rookies wore their College Jerseys.

Rob Gronkowski: Why do the rookies where their college jerseys Brady.

Tom Brady: It's called rookie hazing here on NFL Big Brother. We need to watch Belichick VS LeBron on Judge Judy. Sunday I play Cleveland and the Red Sox face the Cleveland Indians in the MLB Playoffs so obviously its that time of year where its not good to be a Cleveland sports fan.

Goodell arrived in Wisconsin and exited his private Jet. Before we take you to the conclusion of the Trump VS Hillary debate from two weeks ago, we will now go to Judge Judy who is ready to hear the case of Bill Belichick VS LeBron James.

Judge Judy: Todays case is Bill Belichick VS LeBron James. Let's wrap this case up. Why are you suing LeBron Coach Belichick?

Bill Belichick: Do your job is my catchphrase. LeBron stole it from me in game 3 of the NBA Finals and SportsCenter tweeted it.

LeBron James: Those are some serious allegations Coach Belichick. Do you have any evidence I said this after Spygate.

Bill Belichick: No LeBron. Do you're job.

Judge Judy: Ok, this is a pretty open and shut case. I rule in favor of LeBron James due to a lack of evidence.

Bill Belichick: Judge Judy. Do you're job. We're on to Cleveland.

Liam Niasson spoke with Tom Brady about Larry Fitzgerald. Tom Brady was furious about the outcome on Judge Judy.

Liam Niasson: Tom, what should we do about Larry Fitzgerald?

Tom Brady: President Fitzgerald will nominate Buffalo and the Rams for eviction. If Los Angeles can start 4-1 we can get the Jets and Bills evicted in the same week and capture the AFC East and a top 4 spot in the NFL Big Brother Playoffs.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton arrived at Lambeau Field for the second debate. Roger Goodell asked them how they would handle the lockout before the Power Outage in New Orleans two weeks ago. Now we would find out who Goodell will vote for.

Roger Goodell: Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, this debate is tied at 1-1. How will you guys handle the lockout in 2021?

Donald Trump: We need to get rid of the officials and all the incompetent people in the NFL that don't know what the hell they are doing.

Hillary Clinton: We need to monitor these players. The NFL Martial Law that Goodell is proposing is good for the game and if we can track the players using tracking chips then we can dictate which players get contract extensions. That's the only way to reduce domestic violence.

Donald Trump: No Hillary, players have the freedom to do and say as they want.

Roger Goodell: I agree with Hillary. Even though my wife works for Fox News I simply cannot vote for Donald Trump.

Donald Trump: This isn't over Goodell. I will become president and make America great again. I'm not going to put up with your shit Goodell. Once I become President I will appoint one of my sons to be Commissioner of the NFL while I run this country into a Golden Age, one which you've never seen before.

Roger Goodell: What are you gonna do sue the NFL? You tried that 20 years ago and only managed to win $3 dollars in cash. You also killed the USFL so whatever policies you have, they are bullshit.

Peyton and Eli Manning were in Detroit ready to prepare Stafford. Before they got to Detroit, Eli noticed a movie poster.

Eli Manning: I cannot believe Harambe is gonna be the lead actor in Remembering Private Harambe. That's a huge role for him after he got rejected by the Lion King.

Peyton Manning: Harambe is gonna be super rich from this movie. He's gonna make so much cheddar from Remebering Private Harambe that he will hire Donkey Kong to leave Nintendo to become his personal bodyguard.

Eli Manning: That won't go over well with the people in Japan. Nintendo won't be happy about Donkey Kong's departure.

Peyton Manning: Nintendo has held that dumb ape Donkey Kong hostage for decades. It's time for Donkey Kong to make his own life choices. Donkey Kong is 35-years old. Nintendo created him in 1981, but a 35-year old grown ass gorilla needs to make choices for themselves.

Eli Manning: Peyton, I see Stafford let's go train him.

Peyton Manning and Eli Manning began training with Stafford. They knew Stafford and the Lions needed to win this game to remain in NFL Big Brother.

Matthew Stafford: Hey Peyton and Eli its great to see you. Don't you have to get ready for the Packers.

Peyton Manning: Yeah, Eli get ready for the Packers. We came to train you for Philadelphia since you are in our alliance on NFL Big Brother. You lose to Philadelphia and you are evicted from the game. We cannot have you play like you did against Chicago last week.

Matthew Stafford: Thanks Peyton. I really cherish this.

Peyton trained to throw the football with Eli and Stafford. He taught Matthew Stafford his ninja audibles as Stafford learned the art of Omaha.

The Arizona Cardinals were about to nominate someone at the NFL Big Brother ceremony. Let's find out who they will nominate.

Julie Chen: House Guests. The Arizona Cardinals will now nominate two teams for eviction.

Larry Fitzgerald: We are nominating the Buffalo Bills and Los Angeles Rams for evictions. Both teams got fluke wins over the Cardinals.

Julie Chen: I don't know about those teams getting fluke wins. All I will say is that Los Angeles and Buffalo are up for eviction.

Next time on NFL Big Brother. Will Buffalo or Los Angeles take themselves off the block? Find out how Donkey Kong serves Harambe as his new personal body guard. Donald Trump buys an NFL team to plot his revenge on Roger Goodell. President Obama summons Tom Brady to the White House. Jay Cutler creates a Zika Virus that turns NFL players into a Crying Jordan meme. Will Donald Trump join Peyton Manning's alliance once buying this NFL team. Tune in next time on NFL Big Brother.