2016 NFL Big Brother Week 6 HOH

Posted By: Chris Ransom on 10/12/2016

Julie Chen: Welcome to NFL Big Brother. My Name is Julie Chen and I'll be hosting NFL Big Brother where 32 NFL Teams compete against each other for the right to be HOH in order to play for the Big Brother Bowl. So far only 11 teams have been eliminated and 21 teams remain with 10 AFC teams and 11 NFC teams remaining. Peyton Manning's nominee will only count if we still have more than 8 teams in each conference. 8 teams have 3 losses and are on the brink of being eliminated.

In the AFC, we have the 2-3 Cincinnati Bengals traveling to New England, the 2-3 Tennessee Titans hosting Cleveland, and the 1-3 Jacksonville Jaguars going to Chicago fresh off a bye week. These AFC squads must win in week 6 to remain in the game.

In the NFC we have the 2-3 Arizona Cardinals playing on Monday Night, the 2-3 Tampa Bay Buccaneers on a bye week, the 2-3 New York Giants hosting the Baltimore Ravens, the 2-3 Detroit Lions hosting the Los Angeles Rams, and the 1-3 New Orleans Saints hosting the Carolina Panthers. Right now we are giving Arizona and Tampa Bay the benefit of the doubt as the final 2 NFC seeds, but nothing is official until we have 8 AFC and 8 NFC teams ready for the NFL Big Brother Playoffs.

Let's go to a newsroom where Peyton was seen reporting the news.

Ron Burgundy: How come he gets to say Go Fuck Yourself San Diego, but I don't.

Ed Harkin: Sorry Ron, you just don't get the ratings Peyton gets. I'm gonna have to let you go.

Ron Burgundy: You can't fire me, I'm the voice for San Diego news.

Peyton Manning: Not anymore you're not. What do Ron Burgundy and Chargers head coach Mike McCoy have in common. They both got fired get it.

Ron Burgundy: The San Diego Chargers haven't terminated Mike McCoy yet. You cannot report legit news Peyton. Peyton Manning you are a disgrace to all news journalists everywhere. Don't get me started with your brother Eli. He avoided being a Charger.

Peyton Manning left the news studio and returned to the NFL Big Brother House. Roger Goodell was on his way to Minnesota when he got a phone call from Peyton Manning.

Peyton Manning: My alliance is beating your alliance 9-2.

Roger Goodell: Yes, but the Oakland Raiders and Dallas Cowboys are 4-1 Peyton. Also I'm on my way to congratulate the Vikings for being the last team to lose a game. Maybe I'll make them an offer they cannot refuse.

Roger Goodell hung up the phone. He arrived in Minnesota where someone was waiting ahead of him.

Samuel L. Jackson: Are you waiting for Coach Zimmer too Goodell?

Roger Goodell: Yeah, why!

Samuel L. Jackson: Well tough shit Goodell. I wanted Anthony Barr to sign a football for my son and these stupid mother fuckers gave me an Eric Kendricks autograph. I get that Barr and Kendricks were teammates at UCLA, but a fuck up of this magnitude is unacceptable.

Roger Goodell: Look, can you hurry up and watch your language.

Samuel L. Jackson: Watch my language. Excuse me motherfucker. Mike Zimmer is a huge Liam Niasson fan. I heard Liam Niasson may be working with an NFL team, but I'm not saying shit since your being a dick to me Goodell.

Roger Goodell: All you do is yell mother fucker. You've starred in so many Quintin Tarantino movies that I'm asking myself if you suck Quintin Tarantino's dick.

Samuel L. Jackson: No Goodell, I have not done that stuff with Quintin. We're professionals and we get shit done. You're a bigger pussy than Leonardo DiCapro when he refused to say the n word in Django Unchained. I told that mother fucker it was a normal fucking tuesday for us.

Liam Niasson met up with Vikings head Coach Mike Zimmer. They had a conversation about integrity.

Liam Niasson: Coach Zimmer, Goodell is gonna stop by and congratulate the Vikings for being the only 5-0 team in the NFL. He's also going to recruit you to his alliance for NFL Martial Law.

Mike Zimmer: I apperciate the support by Goodell, but doesn't converting to martial law compromise my integrity as a coach. Integrity is important.

Liam Niasson: Yes, precisely. Converting to Roger Goodell's NFL Martial Law won't just compromise your integrity as a coach, but it will also compromise your integrity as a person. I'm glad you understand this.

Mike Zimmer left. He saw Samuel L. Jackson and Roger Goodell in the waiting room.

Samuel L. Jackson: It's about god damn time. My son wanted Anthony Barr's autograph and got Eric Kendrick's autograph. You're gonna fix this shit Coach Zimmer.

Mike Zimmer handed Samuel L. Jackson his autograph game ball he received from Anthony Barr after the Vikings drafted him. It was one of Zimmer's most prized possessions, but Coach Zimmer didn't want Samuel L. Jackson in his grill. Roger Goodell and Mike Zimmer went to the Coach's office.

Roger Goodell: Congrats on the 5-0 start. How would you like to join my plan for NFL Martial Law.

Mike Zimmer: No, I believe converting to NFL Martial Law compromises my integrity.

Roger Goodell: You just made a huge mistake Coach Zimmer. I was going to offer the Vikings a chance to be HOH in week 7 if you joined me. Since neither the Minnesota Vikings or the Detroit Lions benefits the National Football League, I'm going to give the Lions who are 2-3 a fair shot to be the HOH in week 7 if they beat the Los Angeles Rams.

Mike Zimmer: Great talking with you Goodell. I have to get ready for Philadelphia.

Goodell headed upstairs to confront Vikings owner Ziggy Wilf. Goodell was hoping Wilf would talk some sense into Mike Zimmer.

Roger Goodell: I offered Coach Zimmer a chance to convert to NFL Martial Law. Can you talk with him and please take off that ridiculous hat.

Ziggy Wilf: This hat with a W represents that I'm a winner.

Roger Goodell: Dude you look like Wario with that fucking hat. The only thing more ridiculous would be if Jim Irsay sported a hat for Mario, Luigi, or Walugi. I was going to ask the Vikings to join me, but you look so ridiculous in that hat, that I'm gonna look the other way.

Roger Goodell left Minnesota. Meanwhile Donald Trump returned to Jacksonville to meet with his sons who are now part of the Jaguars front office.

Donald Trump: Donald Trump Jr. and Eric. As the owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars, I'm making Donald Trump Jr. our teams new General Manager. Chris Polian sucks and its time for me to hire a new GM. Eric Trump do whatever your brother tells you.

Donald Trump Jr.: Father, we need to use some money from your campaign to clear up cap room.

Donald Trump: Don't worry son. I will renovate the stadium and make America great again.

Eric Trump: Father, when can I give you a tour of the Jaguars stadium.

Donald Trump: After I get back from a press conference. I have to go to a press conference to introduce the Jaguars new logo.

Donald Trump Jr.: Father, we need to evaluate the roster when you get back as well.

Donald Trump: After I get back from a press conference. I have to go to a press conference to introduce the Jaguars new logo like I told Eric, and I want to talk shit about Obama since he's a huge Bears fan and because we play the Bears this week at Soldier Field.

Trump unveiled the new Jaguars logo. It looked almost similar to the current logo except it had hair that resembled Trump.

Donald Trump: This logo looks a lot better now. The Jaguars will beat the Bears by so many points that Obama who is a Bears fan will want to send drones to Jacksonville, but that Muslim Obama won't blow up my brand new stadium that I built just like the wall that I will build when I become President. Also I will win all 578 electoral votes on Election Day. I will win so many states that I will literally make Hillary Clinton look like Ray Rice's fiance.

Trump left the podium. He returned to his office where his sons were waiting.

Donald Trump Jr.: Father, what players would you like to keep. Should we make any roster changes.

Donald Trump: Cut Tyson Alualu. He sucks. Everyone on the Jaguars message boards complains about him plus I think he's an immigrant. Cutting Tyson Alualu is the first step towards making the Jaguars great again.

Eric Trump: Father, when can I give you a tour of the Jaguars stadium.

Donald Trump: Let's go Eric. It's time to tour the Jaguars stadium.

Donald Trump and his kids toured the Jaguars stadium. Donald Trump was happy to know he had a pool in his stadium but unhappy when stand up comedian Carlos Mencia was hanging out in the Jaguars pool with his family.

Carlos Mencia: Hey, Donald, I don't like some of your policies and Shahid used to let me swim in here all the time as a season ticket holder.

Donald Trump: Get out. Unless you have a VISA that allows you to legally work in this stadium, get out.

Peyton was about to meet up with Eli to practice. Before that, we returned to the NFL Big Brother house for a song by Rex Ryann.

Rex Ryan: America fuck yeah. Coming here to save the mother fucking day yeah. Freedom is the only way yeah. Kapernick your game is through now you have to answer to Buffalo fuck yeah. America fuck yeah. So lick my butt and suck on my balls America fuck yeah. What you gonna do when we come for you now. America fuck yeah. It's the dream that we all share. The hope for tomorrow. Tyrod Taylor fuck yeah. LeSean McCoy fuck yeah. Cordy Glenn fuck yeah. Eric Wood fuck yeah. Jerry Hughes fuck yeah. Marcel Dareus fuck yeah. Stephon Gilmore fuck yeah. Ronald Darby fuck yeah. Buffalo Bills fuck yeah.

Peyton and Eli Manning were in Detroit ready to prepare Stafford. This time they brought Harambe and Donkey Kong.

Eli Manning: Peyton I hope you can give me some tips too.

Peyton Manning: Of course Eli. See Detroit remained in the game, but Cincinnati and Eli are both one loss away from getting eliminated. I'm not gonna be able to live with myself if Matthew Stafford, Eli Manning, and Harambe get evicted in the same week. I have to help those teams get to the NFL Big Brother Playoffs.

Peyton Manning and Eli Manning began training with Stafford. They knew Stafford and the Lions needed to win this game to remain in NFL Big Brother.

Matthew Stafford: Hey Peyton and Eli its great to see you. You brought more friends this time what's up with the gorillas.

Peyton Manning: Yeah, today I'm gonna see how Eli and you do under pressure. Harambe is gonna play left tackle while Donkey Kong plays defensive end.

Matthew Stafford: Cool.

Eli Manning: Great, I cannot wait to see how a monkey does as my blindside. He cannot be any worse than Ereck Flowers.

Harambe: Ereck Flowers has shitty feet that could not escape quick sand. Plus he beat up a media reporter after the loss to the Packers.

Donkey Kong: I brought Diddy and Dixie Kong.

Diddy Kong: Don't worry Eli, I behave better than Odell Beckham Jr..

Dixie Kong: Why do you have to be a dick to Eli about Odell Beckham Jr. Diddy Kong.

Eli Manning: It's alright. Let's practice you guys can line up at wide receiver.

Peyton Manning: No, Diddy will play wide receiver and Dixie will cover him at cornerback. We need to have you guys prepared to read coverages. I should have brought the Broncos out here. I'll bring the rest of the Broncos defense out next week if any of the other teams besides Denver avoid eviction.

Peyton trained to throw the football with Eli and Stafford. He taught Matthew Stafford his ninja audibles as Stafford learned the art of Omaha. We saw Haraambe try to keep Donkey Kong from getting the quarterback. Diddy Kong was lined up at wide receiver, but Dixie's ponytail kept pressing Diddy Kong in coverage. Unlike Diddy Kong Racing where Diddy beat Dixie, Dixie had the advantage here on the grid iron.

Practice ended. Everyone training with Peyton returned to the NFL Big Brother House.

The Denver Broncos were about to nominate someone at the NFL Big Brother ceremony. Let's find out who they will nominate.

Julie Chen: House Guests. The Denver Broncos will now nominate two teams for eviction.

Peyton Manning: This week, the Kansas City Chiefs and Oakland Raiders will play in the Power Of Veto game. This is the easiest decision I've made all season.

Julie Chen: Well, Kansas City and Oakland both of your teams are on the block. Unless two of the 3 AFC teams 2-3 Cincinnati, 2-3 Tennessee, or 1-3 Jacksonville lose then you guys are going up. If all three teams lose, Cincinnati will get the final playoff spot for playing in the late game.

Next time on NFL Big Brother. Will Kansas City and Oakland avoid the eviction ceremony thanks to the teams with three losses? Will Scott Hansen return to announce the matches for the NFL Big Brother Playoffs? Bill Belichick hires scientists to create a pink gorilla to go up against Harambe. Peyton and Eli Manning play Cops like the television show and arrest random citizens that broke the law. Plus Obama, invites Roger Goodell to the White House. All of this next time on NFL Big Brother.